“Fuks yous all.

I stink. I like to light things on fire. I like to stab things. I like to pee on things. I like to stab then pee on things.

I got tangled up in this bloody mess via that Hagar bastard. He dragged me along to help him find some long-lost butt-buddy. If it weren’t for me, this simpie would prolly be dead.

Anyways, he still owes me 1000gp, and I’m finking I should charge him interest.

I’ve met a lot of funny buggers on my adventures, like that Thain bloke; what a riot! But there have been a bunch of poshy tossers too, like pretty much everyone in Fallcrest.

I have my reasons for still stickin’ wiv der party, but I ain’t about to divulge such sensitive information.”

Mundungus’ Highlights and not-so-highlights so far:

- Saving Hagar from certain death, only for him to run off and leave ME for death. I was stripped and imprisoned and left to die by the traitorous bastard.

- Killing that Boar which were supposed to save for that dwarf bloke; the same boar that Hagar was not-so-secretly coveting. Me and Bastion had a grand ole time.

- Killing my pet spider in the process of killing the boar, and not forking up the measely 50gp to raise it from the dead.

- Hagar dashing my eye out with his clumsy fucking axe.

- All the times Hagar has rolled a crit miss, and damaged his warhammer. Yes Hagar; that power was tailored specifically for you :)

- Ingeniously setting up a communication device using hempen rope and polished human skulls, in the Blackfang gnolls place.

- Attacking that lying bard. If only the lizard hadn’t stopped me, the bard wouldn’t have spread those nasty rumours about us. The party should have listened to me; I knew he’d spread bad rumours!

- Peeing on Kanatash’s legs upon our first meeting.

- Buying the fancy cart which Hagar so desperately wanted and needed, then setting it on fire in the middle of the market place, using bales of hay and jars of lamp oil. What a blaze! The locals loved it!

- Climbing up inside the hollow tree, getting my arm caught, then finally making it to the top while breathing in possibly-deadly, possibly-dormant fungal spores.

- When spreading lamp oil on the vines in the hedge maze, spilling lamp oil on my leg, then using myself as a human torch to run around and spread the flames.


Adventures in the Thunderpeaks Mundungus